.holger
Lounge-Member
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity
swap with an associated general offer so that you
get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy
a new president of the United States, leaving you with
nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have 2 cows, News limited buys them for an
inflated price. They eat clover for months and produce
nothing. Rupert gets pissed off at another one of his
children.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42
cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then
sell the movie rights. They send their calves to
Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity
swap with an associated general offer so that you
get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy
a new president of the United States, leaving you with
nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have 2 cows, News limited buys them for an
inflated price. They eat clover for months and produce
nothing. Rupert gets pissed off at another one of his
children.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42
cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then
sell the movie rights. They send their calves to
Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
